When a narcissist ends a marriage through divorce, it can be a truly unpredictable process for their spouse. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or who show narcissistic traits are known for their grandiose sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and persistent need for admiration. Such characteristics often translate into complex and challenging divorce proceedings.
If you find yourself in a situation where a narcissistic spouse proposes or files for divorce, brace yourself for a roller coaster of emotions and actions. With a little bit of information about what to expect during this process, though, you can learn to recognize the distinctive behaviors and emotional patterns of a narcissist, so you can get through the divorce with as little stress as possible.
Will a Narcissist Ever End a Relationship?
You might be wondering if your narcissistic spouse will ever want to truly end your relationship with divorce. The question and answer are complex, as the behavior of a narcissist can be unpredictable and largely depends on their personal circumstances and mindset. If a narcissist is intent on ending a relationship, though, it is usually due to something as seemingly simple as boredom or a lack of the attention and admiration they crave, which is sometimes called their “narcissistic supply.”
At the end of a relationship, a narcissist’s actions can range from combative to passive-aggressive, reflecting their inability to handle rejection or perceived criticism. In some cases, a narcissist may walk away when they decide that their partner no longer fulfills their needs or provides enough attention, even when the dynamic of the relationship has only changed in their mind.
If you are in a situation where your narcissistic spouse has presented you with divorce papers, it is crucial to take the situation seriously. Narcissists are known for using manipulation and control tactics, and this could be another strategy to maintain dominance. However, it is essential to consult with a divorce attorney to protect your interests and navigate the complexities of the situation, even if you suspect a bluff. After all, you might find that you’re happy to continue the divorce process that they began in the first place.
How Do You Know a Narcissist is Planning a Divorce?
Recognizing the early signs that a narcissist is planning a divorce can be challenging due to their hard-to-read and manipulative behavior. However, there are a few indicators that might suggest a narcissist is contemplating ending the marriage. One of the earliest signs is devaluation, which may begin subtly and covertly. The narcissistic spouse may start to criticize or belittle their partner, often projecting their own faults onto them. This behavior manifests as blaming the spouse for everything or highlighting their imperfections.
Another sign is the feeling of constant confusion or self-doubt in the relationship. A narcissist might gaslight their partner, making them doubt their own memory, feelings, and judgment. This manipulation technique is used to gain control and power in the relationship. The narcissist may also become increasingly self-centered, focusing only on their needs and disregarding those of their partner. They may exhibit a lack of interest in their spouse’s plans for the future or disregard their life outside the relationship.
If you suspect that your narcissistic spouse is planning a divorce, it's important to take proactive steps. Reach out to a trusted support network and seek professional help, such as a family lawyer and possibly a therapist. A divorce attorney can provide advice tailored to your unique situation and help you prepare for potential challenges, so you don’t feel blindsided if divorce papers are handed to you soon.
Why Do Narcissists End a Marriage?
Narcissists often end marriages for reasons that align with their unique personality traits and their need for constant admiration and validation. One of the most common reasons is the sense of entitlement that narcissists carry. They believe they deserve the best and when they feel their partner no longer measures up to their high standards or fails to provide the admiration they crave, they might consider ending the marriage.
Another common reason is their inability to handle criticism or perceived slights. People with narcissistic personality disorder tend to be highly sensitive to criticism and have a fragile ego. If their spouse starts to assert themselves or challenges their narcissistic behavior, the narcissist might view this as an attack and decide to end the marriage. Additionally, narcissists tend to get bored easily. They crave excitement and newness, and when the marriage starts to feel routine or predictable, they might seek a way out.
Does a Narcissist Really Want You to Leave?
Narcissists have a paradoxical relationship with the concept of leaving. On one hand, they may desire a sense of freedom to engage in their own pursuits without any perceived restriction or criticism from their partner. However, on the other hand, they also crave the attention, admiration, and control they exert over their partners. If they still need you for these purposes, they may resist your departure. Yet, once they feel they’ve exhausted all benefits from you, or if they find a new source of “narcissistic supply”, they may discard you. Ultimately, as stated before, if your spouse hands you divorce papers or mentions that they want a divorce, you should take it seriously, regardless of any history they might have with narcissistic tendencies.
Should You Worry About a Narcissist’s Mind Games?
Narcissists are known for their manipulative tactics, and these can become particularly pronounced during the divorce process. A need for control paired with an inability to handle criticism or perceived rejection may drive some narcissists to become emotionally abusive. The divorce process, by its very nature, involves a level of conflict and negotiation that can threaten a narcissist’s sense of superiority and control, too. As a result, they may resort to mind games and manipulation in an attempt to regain control and protect their ego.
Three common mind games that narcissists might use during a divorce are:
- Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist makes their partner doubt their own memory, perception, or sanity. They might deny things that have happened or twist facts to suit their narrative, leading their partner to question their understanding of events. In the context of a divorce, the narcissist might try to convince their spouse that they aren’t fit for parenthood, that they don’t own certain pieces of marital property, and so on.
- Playing the victim: Narcissists often portray themselves as the victim to gain sympathy and manipulate others. During a divorce, they might exaggerate or fabricate stories about their partner’s behavior to make themselves appear as the wronged party, which is particularly problematic if they do this during courtroom proceedings.
- Financial manipulation: Narcissists may use money as a tool for control during the divorce process. This could involve hiding assets, refusing to provide financial information, or making unreasonable demands.
Prepare for Anything with Legal Guidance
Gill Law Group, PC focuses on family law and divorce cases across Southern California, especially those involving a spouse who is narcissistic or has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. We understand the complex dynamics that can arise when divorcing a narcissist, including the mind games and manipulative tactics that narcissists often employ.
Let us guide you with comprehensive legal representation that covers everything, including preparing for a divorce and responding to divorce papers. We’re ready to provide strong counsel that protects your rights against the tactics used by narcissists, such as financial manipulation that will attempt to leave you with as little financial support as possible when the divorce ends. See the Gill Law Group difference for yourself by reaching out to our firm today.
Call (949) 681-9952 to talk to our attorneys about divorcing a narcissist during a complimentary initial consultation.